The Perfect Sky Is Torn
by OpheliacAngel
Summary: Dean goes through a rough breakup with Cas that leaves him torn. But Sam is always there to pick up the pieces and show him just how to move on. Named after Natalie Imbruglia's Torn. Please R&R&Enjoy!
1. Abandonment

**The Perfect Sky Is Torn**

**Chapter 1: Abandonment**

**Song: Torn by Natalie Imbruglia  
**

_I thought I saw a man brought to life_

_He was warm, he came around like he was dignified_

_He showed me what it was to cry_

_Well you couldn't be that man I adored_

_You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for_

_But I don't know him anymore_

_There's nothing where he used to lie_

_My conversation has run dry_

_That's what's going on, nothing's fine I'm torn_

Sam inched the door open very quietly. He saw Dean, side to him, head in his hands and tears drifting down to rest on his cheeks and nose. Sam had heard him cry for the last few minutes and finally couldn't take it anymore.

"Dean?"

Dean looked over at Sam and he could see the hurt in his eyes. His hazels were glimmering with unshed tears, and he breathed heavily. He looked like a mess, and Sam, even more concerned now, stepped closer. He waited for his brother to do something, say something, before he dared to breach his personal space and walk closer.

"What's wrong?"

Dean choked back a sob.

"He left."

Shit, Sam thinks. The angel finally left him. He had been waiting for Cas to do this to his brother, to break his heart and what was left of his soul completely. And he had vowed to rip that angel to shreds if it ever happened, if he ever hurt his brother. And he did. The son of a bitch finally did. He broke out of his reverie when he saw his big brother, right before his very eyes, break down completely.

"Oh no."

Sam finally allowed himself to wrap his arms around Dean and hug him tightly.

"It's my fault."

"No Dean, it isn't. I knew that he was going to do this to you. And I never should have let this happen. It's my fault, Dean. I should have protected you."

Sam smiled, trying to be strong and reassure his shaking brother.

"And I'm supposed to have my big brother's back."

Dean just leaned into Sam farther, sobbing what was left of his heart out."

"Tell me what happened."

Dean collapsed into Sam's arms and Sam didn't mind, holding him up and hugging him tighter. His brother swallowed and his voice was cracking and thick with emotion.

"He said he had to go and I..." Dean sniffled and continued. "We got into an argument which led to a fight and I...don't remember much. Except saying that if he left me again he shouldn't come back."

"Dean..."

"I did it, Sammy. What is wrong with me? Why does everyone I love always leave me?"

"I'm right here, Dean. And I'm not going anywhere, you hear me? I'll never leave you.

Sam was rewarded with more of Dean's tears, and he could feel them soak through his shirt. Finally, he ran a hand over his face and pulled away.

"I need to go get cleaned up."

Here he was, doing it again. Putting back on his familiar tough guy act, acting like nothing was wrong, and doing the thing Sam hated, hated the most. Not allowing himself to seek comfort when he needed it more than anything right now. But Sam? He didn't want to push him. Dean would talk sooner or later, he would make sure of that. Something as big as this he couldn't keep inside. But for now, Sam let him go stagger off to the bathroom and clear his mind.

"Yeah sure. I'll be right here waiting when you get back."

"Sammy, you're not my type. Though I must say I'm flattered."

Sam laughed, still finding it a shock after living all this time with his brother that he was still able to make jokes no matter how down he felt.

"Sure, Dean. Sure."

And with that, Dean was gone.

**2 Weeks Later…**

"I'm still not able to get a hold of him."

"Dude, forget it. He'll show up just like always, whenever the hell he feels like it. Or we'll never see him again."

"Maybe I should leave another message.

"Just let it go."

"No Dean, I'm not gonna let this go. He hurt you okay? And no one hurts my big brother as long as I'm around."

"Sam, he's an angel. You can't exactly do anything to an angel."

"Oh believe me, I'll find a way to make him pay."

"Don't Sam. Okay?"

"Why not?"

"Cause it's not gonna help matters any!"

"He never deserved you anyway, Dean. The only thing he was good at was leaving you."

Dean looked out the window, trying and failing to hide his tears from Sam. Sam looked over and wanted to say something, but he was all out of words. So he just drove, hoping more than anything else in the world that he would find the angel Castiel. And if he didn't, then something bad would happen to the angel. Because no one. No One hurt his Dean and got away with it.

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn_

**To be continued…**


	2. The Confrontation

**The Perfect Sky Is Torn**

**Chapter 2: The Confrontation**

_So I guess the fortune tellers right_

_Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light_

_To crawl beneath my veins and now_

_I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much_

_There's just so many thing that I can't touch, I'm torn_

It was a month later that Sam finally tracked Castiel down. He left Dean at the motel because he wanted to handle this himself. His brother had been so broken up the last few weeks, thinking Cas's departure was all his fault. It had taken all of Sam's energy to just hold him together. But Dean was already torn. And there wasn't much he could do. But make the angel pay.

He wondered how a human could sneak up on an angel. But he did anyway.

"Hey Castiel."

Cas turned around and wasn't prepared to see the brother of the hunter he had destroyed.

"Sam? What are you doing here?"

"Trying to find you, you son of a bitch."

"If this is about Dean…"

"You're damn right it's about Dean! You can't just walk away after doing something like that to him! You shattered him, Cas!"

"Me and your brother weren't working out, Sam."

"So just because you have one lousy fight means that you give up, just like that?"

Sam walked closer and wanted to throttle the angel. But then he would disappear, and Sam really needed to talk at what might as well have been a filthy demon before him.

"You realize the state you've left Dean in?"

Castiel pulled away from him and appeared to look distressed, as if leaving Dean was the last thing he ever wanted to do. Was it?

"There's something more to this isn't there?"

He looked back up at Sam and nodded.

"Then tell me."

Castiel didn't look like he was gonna answer that. So Sam would just have to make him.

"Tell me!"

"Is Dean here?"

"No. I left him at our motel. Does he know, Cas? Is there something you guys aren't telling me?"

"I'm being sent back up to heaven, Sam," the angel said reluctantly.

"What do you mean?"

"I have to leave. Tomorrow."

"You can't be serious."

"I have no choice."

Sam shook his head in disgust, "You always have a choice, Cas. Everyone has choices."

"It's better this way, Sam."

"How can this be better? You might as well have killed my brother!"

Castiel couldn't seem to find a way to make Sam understand that what he was doing for Dean was important to him.

"He's better off without me."

Sam just stared at him, already feeling the tears come to his eyes. He ignored them and pleaded to Cas.

"He needs you."

"He needs someone more capable to take care of him."

The younger Winchester didn't know what to say to that. The angel had always looked after Dean, and so had he. But Dean needed Cas. He was his guardian angel and the only thing besides Sam he had ever loved. And the angel before him was leaving him. In order to protect him. But Castiel was killing him.

"Cas, you don't have to do this."

Full on tears were coming now and he wouldn't be able to stop them this time. Castiel smiled back at him and Sam knew he would disappear soon. Disappear forever.

"Look after him, Sam. Tell him…Tell him I love him."

And with that he was gone. Torn away from Dean's life forever.

_I'm so sorry I couldn't fix this, Dean. _

**Back at the motel…**

"Why didn't you tell me, Dean?"

Sam sat on the bed next to his brother. Dean didn't look much better. His eyes were still bloodshot from lack of sleep and his features were stretched thin.

"Cause he still left me, Sam. And I'm still so lost without him."

Dean clearly wanted to shed some more tears for his angel, but he was too exhausted to do much of anything.

"I'm so sorry. I tried to fix this. But he thinks you're better off without him."

"I can't move on, Sam. I don't want to."

"Don't talk like that, Dean. Yes you will. I'm gonna be here every step of the way to fix you."

Dean crawled back under the covers like a miserable little kitten and tried hard to sleep. Sam continued to sit there, wishing there was something more he could have done.

"It'll get better, Dean, he whispered, I promise you it'll get better."

His brother choked back a sob and was asleep within minutes.

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn _

_Torn _

**To be continued…**


	3. Nothing is Fine

**The Perfect Sky Is Torn**

**Chapter 3: Nothing is Fine**

_There's nothing where he used to lie_

_My inspiration has run dry_

_That's what's going on, nothing's right, I'm torn_

Dean had finally managed to get a grip on life and move on after a few months. There was not a doubt that Sam was the one who pulled him through. Sam was the one who had been there when Castiel's absence hit him the hardest, like a lightning storm that wouldn't let up. But Dean couldn't lie when he admitted to himself he was still torn. Torn away from his angel, torn away from love and hope and happiness, torn away from his heart and soul. Cause Cas still kept them locked away somewhere inside. Dean had never laid eyes on someone the way he had first laid eyes on Cas. He promised himself never to fall in love again, to spare the pain, the agony, the torment. This was all like a rerun of hell. And while it was getting a little better, cause his Sammy was around, it would never be perfect again. He would never be whole again.

She slipped him the napkin after the check, and all he did was glance at the phone number. Times weren't like they used to be. He used to give Sam a huge grin, proving that chicks digged him. But now all he did was throw it away when he got outside. No phone numbers, no hope, no relieve from the pain.

"Dude, you noticed our waitress was checking you out?"

"Yeah."

_I don't care. _

"Did you get her number?"

"Yeah."

_I don't care. _

"Well?" Sam inquired.

"What do you want me to say?" Dean shrugged and slid into the driver's seat.

"Dean, you've got to quit this. This isn't helping."

"Nothing helps, Sammy."

"Have you looked at yourself recently?"

"I don't care."

"You can't keep on doing this to yourself."

"Why not?"

"Don't be like that, you know why. Because of me."

"Sorry I'm letting you down, Sammy."

Sam wants to wrap his arms around his big brother and tell him how he never has and never will let him down, but Dean abruptly leaves the parking lot and looks like he'll kill anyone who'll lay a finger on him.

So Sam just settles with a mumbled, "Never have."

**A few months later…**

Sometimes Dean wakes up from nightmares about Cas. He's covered in blood and telling Dean to come save him from heaven, tortures Dean with saying "why don't you love me" and why have you abandoned me". Sam does everything he can to pull him away from that same torture, but half the time Dean's screaming at him to leave him the hell alone and to never talk of his angel because it's too painful. It's been six months and there has been no word. Sam knew he wouldn't come back, but he still had hope for Dean. No matter how strong the reasons against having the hope were. He maintained it for him because that was the only solace he could give to him. He's aware Dean holds most of the anxiety and pain inside. And he knows that one day he will explode. He will explode and Sam will never be the same again because of it.

"Where are you going, Sam?"

"Just going out for a walk. I'll be back in an hour."

He knew Dean wasn't stupid but that didn't mean he had the guts to tell him.

"Stop calling him. Cause he's not coming."

"You don't know that."

"Always have. Always will."

"I can't let go, Dean."

"Why? Why do you have to scream every night until you're blue in the face, Sammy?"

"Because you can't let go."

Sam closes the door on his brother and fights just to stay breathing, let alone think about what to do next. Dean's right, Castiel will never answer. It's a vain and stupid attempt. But Sam still does it. He does it for Dean. Cause if he loses him, he'll be the one who's torn.

He hears the door open again and Dean walks out with the strongest look on his face he's seen in months.

"I'm coming with you, Sammy. It's time to let go."

Sam smiles and knows this would be a perfect time to congratulate his brother but holds off anyway. He doesn't want to ruin the moment of victory for Dean. They drive far off, away from all human existence. And they stand in the middle of a field and Dean is screaming. He's screaming about how he's letting go, he's telling the angel up there everything he's ever felt, how much he hates him, how he's left him torn and bloodied and broken and shattered. How nothing will ever be fine without him again. He's done with Cas now. Done with the grieving and love, the waiting and hoping. He's done with lying to himself and he knows it's truly over.

_But he's still torn_

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?" Sam smiles over at him, so very proud of his big brother.

"Think I'm going to take that girl up on her offer now."

"That's good, Dean. You gonna be okay?"

"It's too late for that. I'll never be fine again. But I've let go."

"That's all that matters in the end, Dean. That's all that matters."

"I've got you, Sam. And I've got the whole rest of my life ahead of me. And I figure it can't be that bad."

Dean looks back up at the sky and grins in triumph.

"You hear that, Cas! I don't need you anymore! It's over!"

"How good does that feel big brother?"

They wrap their arms around each other's shoulders and gaze up at the sky, half expecting to see something up there that looks remarkably like Castiel.

"It feels like tearing loss out of me and replacing it with life."

They sit in that field for hours. Thinking of nothing. And everything. Torn. But together.

Two years later Cas comes back. But that's fine with Dean. Cause he's moved on. Too little, too late, too torn for words. My perfect sky is torn and nothing will ever be fine. And this is how I feel about you this time…

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn_

**FIN**


End file.
